Why High Achievers Can’t Relax: Understanding and Overcoming the Struggle
Do you ever feel like you just can’t relax, no matter how much you try?
If you’re a high achiever, you’re not alone.
Relaxation can feel elusive, even impossible, when your brain is constantly racing with thoughts of what’s next on your never-ending to-do list.
Let’s explore why high achievers often struggle to rest, and how you can take meaningful steps to embrace leisure and relaxation in your life…
The Never-Ending To-Do List:
For high achievers, the to-do list is both a productivity tool and a source of constant pressure. There’s always something else to tackle: a new project, an unread email, or a personal goal waiting to be accomplished. The idea of leaving tasks unfinished can feel unbearable, leading to a cycle where work takes precedence over everything else—including rest.
But here’s the truth: The list will never truly be done.
Learning to step away without finishing everything is an act of self-care, not failure.
Putting Your Needs Last:
High achievers are notorious for putting others’ needs before their own. Whether it’s family, friends, or colleagues, there’s a tendency to prioritize everything and everyone else at the expense of personal well-being. This habit, often rooted in childhood conditioning, leaves little room for self-care or downtime.
When your needs consistently fall to the bottom of the list, relaxing can feel selfish or even wrong. But rest isn’t a luxury—it’s essential.
Tying Worth to Productivity:
One of the biggest barriers to relaxation is the belief that your worth is tied to how much you achieve. High achievers often derive a sense of identity and value from their accomplishments. This mindset makes it difficult to enjoy downtime because it feels unproductive or like wasted time.
But here’s the thing: You’re valuable just as you are—no achievements required. Embracing this truth is key to finding peace in rest.
The Avoidance Trap: Why High Achievers Stay Constantly Busy:
When you’re always busy, you don’t have to face difficult emotions or uncomfortable thoughts. High achievers often use work as a way to avoid downtime, which can bring up feelings of guilt, anxiety, or even sadness. Let’s look at two common patterns:
Workaholism: Workaholism isn’t just about long hours; it’s about using work to cope. Staying busy provides a sense of control and a way to avoid dealing with deeper issues, but it also leads to burnout and a diminished ability to truly relax.
Cognitive Bypassing: Cognitive bypassing happens when you use intellectualization to avoid emotional discomfort. For example, instead of addressing feelings of stress or sadness, you might plan your next big project or dive into learning a new skill. While this can feel productive, it prevents you from fully processing your emotions and finding true rest.
The Power of a Shutdown Ritual:
One effective way to transition from “go mode” to relaxation is by creating a shutdown ritual. This is a simple routine that signals to your brain that it’s time to rest. A good shutdown ritual might include:
Writing Tomorrow’s To-Do List: Jot down any lingering tasks so your mind doesn’t feel the need to keep them top of mind.
Turning Off Work Notifications: Put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” or log out of work apps to create boundaries.
Engaging in a Calming Activity: Whether it’s reading, taking a warm bath, or practicing gentle stretches, find something that helps you unwind.
A consistent shutdown ritual can train your brain to associate these actions with relaxation, making it easier to transition into downtime.
Committed Action Is Key:
Commit To Self-Soothing Practices: Engage in activities that genuinely help you relax, like deep breathing, journaling, or spending time in nature. These practices can soothe your nervous system and help you feel more grounded.
Stop Multitasking: When you’re constantly juggling tasks, even leisure can feel like work. Focus on one thing at a time, whether it’s savoring your morning coffee or watching your favorite show. Giving your full attention to the moment can make it more enjoyable and restorative.
Simplify Your Life: Look for ways to make your life less complicated. Delegate tasks, say no to unnecessary commitments, and prioritize what truly matters. Simplification creates space for rest and leisure.
Ditch Perfection: Perfectionism can make it hard to relax because you’re always striving for an unattainable standard. Embrace the idea that good enough is often more than enough, and give yourself permission to let things be imperfect.
Practice Self-Compassion: High achievers are often their own harshest critics. Practicing self-compassion means treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially when you’re struggling to relax. Remind yourself that rest is a form of self-love.
Embrace Idleness: Idleness is often seen as unproductive, but it’s actually vital for creativity and well-being. Allow yourself to daydream, stare out the window, or simply sit in silence. These moments of stillness can be surprisingly rejuvenating.
Finding Peace in the Pause:
Relaxation doesn’t come naturally to everyone, especially high achievers. But with awareness, intentionality, and a commitment to self-care, it’s possible to overcome the barriers that make rest feel so difficult.
Remember, you don’t have to earn your right to relax—it’s something you deserve simply because you exist.
So, the next time you feel like you just can’t relax, try starting with a small step: a deep breath, a moment of stillness, or a simple shutdown ritual. Over time, these practices can help you find the peace and balance you’ve been searching for.
Your Next Step: Try the 15-Minute Body Reset
If relaxing still feels out of reach, I have a simple, free resource to help you get started: the 15-Minute Body Reset.
This quick and effective guide is designed to help you release tension, calm your mind, and reconnect with your body in just 15 minutes.
Take the first step toward a more relaxed, centered you by downloading it today. You deserve to feel at ease in your body and your life.
